Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want to have your abortion
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
