i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
