now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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