I think I died a long time ago.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize