I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
