WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
