Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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