Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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