You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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