I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
