I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
