Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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