I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
