Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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