worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
