I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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