I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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