Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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