it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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