After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
