If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
