I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
