he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize