is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
