Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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