I heard we made out
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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