Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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