I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
