I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
we're so committed to being not committed
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
