and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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