I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize