I looked at my own cervix.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
