I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
A bitchslap is in order.
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