my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
