dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I need a burrito and a hug.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
