i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You took a bar mat shot.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
