Michael Bay diarrhea
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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