So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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