Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
