Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We were destined to go to rehab together
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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