fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
