so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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