My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize