i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
