I puked a lego.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
