and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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