Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
