the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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