Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
