I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The adults are the big ones right?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
