The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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