How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
