glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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