last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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