Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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