Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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