yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
