All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
