I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
