the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
