I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
