You made me cry and you don't even care
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
