i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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