There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I did not marry a roomba.
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