He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it was like eating out sand paper
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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