I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think I am morally bankrupt
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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