My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
