I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
