For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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