so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
