new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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