Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
