I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
