I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
