I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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