She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
