you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize